On Tuesday, Judge Merchan held Donald Trump in contempt of court and fined him $9,000 for violating a gag order. Trump should have reached into his wallet, grabbed the $9,000 in cash and thrown it at the judge and said: "Here, go bang Stormy Daniels eight times."
It's funny: A city that can't keep violent felons in jail wants to lock up a president for talking. Their priorities are more out-of-whack than a morning show hosted by people who hate each other.
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Meanwhile, Judge Merchan's daughter… a progressive political hack, is sending out solicitations invoking the Trump trial, raising millions for her clients. Among them: Adam Schiff, lead prosecutor in Trump's first impeachment, who will hopefully use the money for a neck transplant. So Trump's not allowed to talk. How did he react? Is the gag order unique? Unconstitutional? Corrupt?
FORMER PRESIDENT TRUMP: This gag order is not only unique, it's totally unconstitutional... This is a corrupt system we're in, and I think the people are understanding it.
And they are understanding it. Now, as anyone with a pulse knows — and that's not you, Joe Biden — trying to gag Trump is like trying to put a cork in Mt. Vesuvius. It's not happening, because isn't it nice to have a president who doesn't need a teleprompter?
TRUMP: But isn't it nice to have a president who doesn't need a teleprompter? Not that he can read it anyway, he can't read it. Now think if I read my teleprompter and I'm going, "Well, let's say now, because of the weakness in the economy, I'd like to apologize. Pause. Pause." What was that? That's unbelievable. Pause!
And of course, every one of these fake cases is bull****.
TRUMP: Every one of these fake cases is bull****.
He said it. But for Donald Trump, this bull**** is gold. Because despite the legal farce, Trump's cracking jokes and living his best life. And Joe, while Trump mocks Joe for saying pause — Joe seems permanently stuck on pause.
That's amazing. Now let's have a look at the people the judge hasn't silenced, like Stormy Daniels. Usually when she opens her mouth, it only affects five dudes in a motel room with a camcorder. But these days, Stormy's not taking things lying down.
She posted this on the social media platform X: "Sad day when a stripper is more honest than the (former, impeached, indicted) president." Wait, is she saying that strippers aren't usually honest? I know, and that dancer at Rum Shakers was lying to me when she said it was just a bug bite.
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Then after being called a toilet, she tweeted that this made her the "best person to flush the orange turd down." I hope toilets don't sue for defamation. Remember, she's a major prosecution witness. Isn't she prejudicing the case?
Usually when Stormy tries to abuse and humiliate someone, she gets $500 an hour. At least that's what she charged Doocy. But she's probably still pissed that Trump once called her "Horseface." True, she was so mad after that tweet, she barely touched her bag of oats. Man.
Then there's Trump's sleazy former lawyer, Michael Cohen, who's now as popular with the left as Hamas. To call this guy a liar is like calling Hitler a bit moody. Now, remember, this is the guy who actually advised Trump on how to structure the payments to Stormy, instead of her usual method of just leaving $40 on the dresser.
Now he blames Trump for the work that he did, which is like a patient getting prescribed the wrong medicine, but then getting sued by the hospital. Cohen's disbarred from practicing law and a convicted perjurer, which makes him a liar by definition.
He'd previously been trashing Trump on X, but then swore he would "cease posting" out of respect to the court, but just days later, Cohen took his clown show over to TikTok to try to make a few bucks.
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MICHAEL COHEN: When I was testifying before the House Oversight Committee, I turned around and I said that Donald Trump has shown acts of generosity, but he's not a generous person.
Wow. This guy makes Michael Avenatti look like Clarence Darrow, whatever. So let's review: We've got a convicted perjurer as the main witness — one who supplied the advice the case is based on; we have a former porn star who lost her own case against Trump so badly she had to pay him legal fees and promised his grandkids 10 years of free pony rides.
They're allowed to speak, but the accused, a former president of the United States, can't.
This case is as rigged as Jesse's hair. And you want fair? The Gutfeld Investigative Team actually got ahold of a shot of the jury. But these are Judge Merchan's rulings. This case is to the legal system what scurvy is to pirates.
And remember, there's another one just as bad waiting in the wings down in Georgia and two more federal cases, which actually is kind of awesome because all these cases did for Trump was make him a better version of Trump.
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His numbers are up, his performance is sharper, funnier, even looser. And more and more Americans look back at his tenure as president fondly. Who knew the courtroom would lead to a Trump boom? He's pretty much leading in all the swing states and up nationally by 6 points without ever being able to really campaign. The trials are spinach to Trump's Popeye.
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So what do the Dems do now? They have nothing to run on, and every time they use lawfare, it backfires. No wonder they hired Steven Spielberg.
Biden is lost in the "Twilight Zone," and Trump, well, he's "Jaws." They'd better bring a bigger boat.
